Wednesday, March 24, 2010

ZEKE’S ABSENCE EXPLAINED

Psst! “Congestion Charley” here. Some of you return visitors may have noted that Zeke hasn’t posted a new entry since his late night ride with Slipstream Sallie and Headwind Harry. (See previous post for more details) I thought I’d drop by and offer a small explanation for his absence.

What Zeke didn’t know at the time of his recounting of his encounter with Harry was that I, Congestion Charley, was in stealth mode on Harry’s rear wheel. Ol’ Zeke never saw me coming. Harry was sure laughing up a loud storm as we all approached the gap. That was partly because, well, Harry is just a gigantic 2 wheeled jerk, who would rather blow through a traffic light and cause mayhem than take a moment or two of rest and blend in. Nope, that wouldn’t be Harry. Harry, quite a talented rider without all of the crap he pulls, can pull up a headwind to stop the best of ‘em when he wants to. Next time, you’re out doing your favorite loop and fighting a headwind all the way out and then you turn around to go home banking on that nice tailwind only to find that NOW you’ve got another headwind – well, that’s Harry’s work. Look around. You might see him riding off your shoulder enjoying his own freak show and just laughing like the jackass he is . But, I digress…

Ya see, last week I’d been getting itchy and stuffy with boredom and I’ve learned from past experience if I don’t get in some action pretty soon, I’m gonna get major league depressed. So, while me an ol’ Harry were knocking back a couple of cold ones and discussing my general state of mind, we hatched this plan where Harry would jump the first rider we saw on the mountain and distract him. This would let me get in the perfect position to make my assault and dump off some of these old nasty feelings I’ve been getting.

So, I laid up beside the road in behind some old scrub brush just so I’d be hidden while Harry jumped out on the road far enough ahead of the rider as to make it look like he’d been climbing all along. Sure enough, it wasn’t long til we caught wind of some dufus that had been merrily spinning along with that do-gooder Sallie. Zeke, of course we didn’t know his name at the time, predictably closed the gap to Harry as we planned and never even saw me jump on Harry’s rear wheel. I mean, when I go stealth – I GO STEALTH!

Everything was going along just as we intended. Clearly, Zeke was getting freaked and when Harry dropped onto his rear wheel and started laughing, well, let’s just say that I was surprised not to see a spreading discoloration on his shorts. Harry did a marvelous job of keeping up his loud assault on a clearly tiring rider. I don’t think Zeke even looked in his rear view again.

We were closing on the gap at a pretty good pace given Zeke’s fear enhanced mashing but Harry was holding close. Just as Zeke passed through the gap into that interminable sunshine on the western side of the slope, Harry sat up and dropped off to his left letting me slingshot around on the right and directly into ol’ Zeke. Like I say, when I do stealth, I do it right.

It took me a few hours but I worked my way in good and tight and the next thing Zeke knew his head was stopped up, I had about a quart of fluid draining a minute giving him a real good sore throat. I was really proud of how I made his eyeballs and gums hurt from the pressure in his head. I really enjoyed the deep resounding bass of his headache.

I hung around a few days and kept him pretty nicely disrupted to the point he couldn’t ride or write. He started a couple of times to write something but I managed to raise my levels a little and just knocked him back again. I’ve pretty much gotten bored with this scene now and I’m planning on moving along. Zeke’s been such a good host that I thought I’d drop by his place here and let all you good people know what was going on. Oh yeah, I also wanted to brag a little. This has been some of my best work in awhile. I think Zeke will be back riding maybe today or tomorrow. I’m pretty sure his head will clear enough to write by that time.

So, I’m outta here! I’ll move along now. I’ll be seeing…. YOU!

as Zeke would say,

Until Later!

“Congestion Charley”

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